How to Use Your Values to Make Every Decision Easier
You spent an hour on Sunday mapping out your values. You read articles, journaled, and maybe even talked with a friend about what matters most. You identified your top five. You felt clear, even energized.
Then Monday hit.
Your boss asked if you could take on another project. Someone invited you to serve on a committee. A friend wanted to grab drinks on a night you’d planned to be home. Each time, you froze. You knew your values in theory, but in the moment, with someone waiting for an answer, those carefully considered priorities felt completely useless.
Sound familiar?
Knowing your values is a starting point, not a solution. Most people get stuck between identifying what matters and using that clarity when decisions get messy. You need practical tools that work in real time—when you’re stressed, time pressure mounts, and multiple values pull in different directions.
Why Values Cut Through Decision Fog
Values work like a filter. When you know what matters, you can sort options quickly: this fits, that doesn’t. But knowing isn’t the same as applying.
Your brain responds differently to values-aligned choices. Research shows that when decisions match your core values, your brain’s reward circuits activate, creating that neurological “yes” feeling. This isn’t just abstract psychology—it’s your decision-making ally.
Studies on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) show that people who make values-based choices follow through more often and experience less regret. ACT research has found that values clarification combined with committed action—choosing behavior changes consistent with those values—leads to better outcomes across health behaviors, chronic pain management, and mental health treatment.
The research makes sense. When your decisions align with what you stand for, you’re more likely to stick with them because they feel authentic rather than imposed.
But you need a system that works in real time, not just during quiet reflection moments.
Build Your Values Decision Filter
If you’ve identified your top values, turn each one into a quick question you can ask when facing a decision. Keep it short so you’ll use it when stressed or rushed.
- Integrity: Will I feel honest with myself after this choice?
- Connection: Does this strengthen relationships that matter?
- Health: Does this protect my energy, sleep, or body?
- Growth: Will I learn or progress in a meaningful way?
- Service: Does this help in a way I stand behind?
Save these questions on your phone or write them on a card in your wallet. When faced with a decision, run your options through this filter. Most choices become clearer within a minute.
Five Decision Tools That Honor Your Values
Use one or two tools per decision, not all at once. The goal is clarity, not analysis paralysis.
1. Deal-Breakers and Flexibles
List three non-negotiables that must be present for a yes. Then list three nice-to-haves you can compromise on. This prevents value betrayal when you’re pressured or tired.
Example: Your friend asks you to help them move on Saturday, but you’ve been working overtime all week and Sunday is your only day off.
Deal-breaker: One full day this weekend for rest (health value)
Flexible: Which day that happens, or helping for an hour instead of all day
Notice how this lets you support your friend (connection value) while protecting what you need (health value). You might offer to help for two hours Saturday morning, then spend the afternoon resting.
2. 10-10-10 With a Values Lens
Ask how each option will feel in 10 days, 10 months, and 10 years. Notice which values each timeframe supports.
Example: You’re considering quitting your stable job to start a business.
10 days: Fear, excitement, uncertainty. Security value feels threatened, but growth value feels alive.
10 months: Growth and autonomy values thrive if the business goes well. If struggling, you might regret not having a financial cushion (security value).
10 years: Will you regret not trying? Or will you wish you’d waited until you had more runway?
This isn’t about predicting the future perfectly. It’s about noticing which values matter most at different time scales, which helps you weigh short-term discomfort against long-term alignment.
3. Pre-Mortem the Decision
Imagine it’s three months from now and the choice went poorly. What went wrong? Which value did you ignore?
This tool pulls your blind spots into view before you commit.
Example: You’re thinking about saying yes to leading a volunteer project that sounds meaningful.
Pre-mortem: Three months from now, you’re burned out and resenting the commitment. What happened? You ignored that you’re already stretched thin (health value) and that leading means less time with your kids (family value). The project aligned with your service value, but you didn’t account for the cost to other values that matter more right now.
Adjustment: Offer to participate in a supporting role instead of leading, or wait six months when your schedule clears.
4. Run a Small Pilot
Instead of a big leap, test the decision for one week. Keep a brief log: what value did it serve, what friction showed up, what adjustment helps next.
Example: You’re considering whether to wake up at 5:30 AM to exercise before work.
Week one pilot: Try it Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Log how you feel, whether you actually exercised, and what happened to your evening energy.
Assessment: If you love the morning workout but are exhausted by 8 PM and snapping at your partner, the health value is being served, but the relationship value is taking a hit. Adjustment: Try 6:00 AM instead, or exercise at lunch three days a week.
Pilots lower risk and build real data about what works for your specific life, not what works in theory.
5. Boundary Scripts
Decisions often need a sentence, not a spreadsheet. Prepare one line that protects each core value so you’re not scrambling for words in the moment.
For health: “I can’t take that on this week.”
For family: “I’m keeping evenings for family.”
For growth: “I’m saying yes to projects that match my role and help me develop new skills.”
For integrity: “That doesn’t feel right to me, so I’m going to pass.”
Having these phrases ready means you can protect your values without lengthy explanations or justifications that invite debate.
Real-Life Applications
Job Offer With Demanding Hours
If health and family top your values list, a job with great pay but 50-hour weeks might not be the right move. The answer might be no, or a counteroffer with firm boundaries about evening and weekend work.
Money matters, but not at the cost of what anchors you. And when you’re clear about this upfront, you avoid the slow erosion of taking a job that looks good on paper but hollows you out over time.
Friendship That Drains You
If you value mutual respect and reciprocity, try a boundary first. “I’ve noticed our conversations have been really one-sided lately. I care about you, but I need our friendship to feel more balanced.”
If nothing changes after you’ve been clear, stepping back isn’t mean. It’s recognizing that alignment matters more than people-pleasing over time.
Big Purchase Decision
Run the 10-10-10 test. Does buying this car, house, or gadget still support your values months from now, or is it solving a temporary feeling?
If security is a core value, spending your emergency fund on something you want but don’t need creates friction between the choice and what matters. If it’s something that serves multiple values—like a reliable car that gets you to work and keeps your family safe—the purchase aligns even if it feels expensive.
After You Decide: A Two-Minute Review
Quick reviews build confidence and decision-making skills over time.
What did I choose, and which value did it serve?
What went well?
What would I adjust next time?
Write one or two lines. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s practice. Your brain learns to recognize values-aligned choices, and those neural pathways strengthen. Future decisions start feeling more natural, less agonizing.
When Values Collide
Sometimes two values pull in different directions. Security and growth. Connection and autonomy. Family and career.
When this happens, name both values out loud. Then choose the next step that honors each value a little, even imperfectly.
Example: You want to change careers (growth) but have a mortgage and kids (security and family).
Values-aligned approach: Keep your steady job while taking one evening course in the new field. Save money specifically for the transition. Talk with your family about the timeline.
You’re compromising on purpose, not by accident. And you’re moving toward growth without sacrificing security in a way that would create panic or resentment.
Signs You’re Choosing in Alignment
You’ll know values-based decisions are working when you notice:
Less second-guessing after decisions, even when outcomes are mixed
Clearer boundaries when requests don’t fit what matters
More energy for what you said was important
Regret that fades faster because you made the best choice you could with the information you had
These aren’t dramatic transformations. They’re subtle shifts that compound over time into a life that feels more genuinely yours.
Bringing Your Values to Life
You’ve done the inner work of identifying what matters. You understand why values-based choices feel better. Now you have practical tools to use that clarity when decisions get complex, time pressure mounts, or emotions run high.
Values turn “what if” into “what fits.” They transform endless deliberation into focused evaluation. Small, aligned choices add up to a life that feels less like drifting and more like steering.
If you want support building a values-based decision system that fits your actual life—not an idealized version—our therapists can help you practice these tools until they feel natural. Ready to get started?