Nightmares in Children: Why They Happen & How to Help

It’s 2 AM. Your six-year-old is standing next to your bed again, crying about monsters in her closet. This is the third time this week. You’re exhausted. She’s exhausted. And you’re starting to wonder if you’re doing something wrong.

You’re not.

Nightmares and sleep struggles are common in childhood. Research shows that up to 50% of children between the ages of 3 and 6 experience nightmares regularly, and many continue having them into elementary school. Poor sleep doesn’t just mean a cranky kid tomorrow. It affects your mood, behavior, learning, and physical health.

If bedtime has become a battle or nightmares are disrupting your family’s sleep, you’re dealing with a real and challenging issue. Here’s how to help your child sleep better while maintaining your own sanity.

Why Children Have Nightmares and Sleep Issues

Understanding what’s happening can make it easier to address.

Children’s brains are processing enormous amounts of new information every day. Dreams and nightmares are one way their developing brains work through experiences, emotions, and fears. This processing is actually healthy, even when it disrupts sleep.

Common triggers for nightmares and sleep difficulties include:

Developmental changes: Starting school, moving to a new house, or getting a new sibling creates stress that shows up at bedtime.

Anxiety: Worries about school performance, friendships, or family dynamics often surface when everything else is quiet.

Overstimulation: Too much screen time, especially close to bedtime, can overstimulate young brains and make it harder to settle.

Big emotions: Kids who don’t have chances to process feelings during the day often experience them as nightmares at night.

Trauma or stress: Difficult experiences like divorce, death of a loved one, or witnessing something scary can trigger persistent nightmares.

Sleep problems in children aren’t usually about being difficult or manipulative. They’re signaling that something needs attention.

Build a Predictable Bedtime Routine

When children know what to expect, it helps signal to their brains that it’s time to wind down. A consistent routine creates a sense of safety that makes sleep more accessible.

Research published in the journal Sleep Medicine shows that children with consistent bedtime routines fall asleep faster, sleep longer, and wake less frequently during the night compared to children without routines.

Start your routine at the same time every night, even on weekends when possible. The routine itself matters less than the consistency. Whether it takes 20 or 45 minutes, maintain a consistent sequence and timing.

Include activities that genuinely calm your child. This might be reading together, taking a warm bath, listening to quiet music, or simple stretching. Notice what actually helps your specific child relax rather than following generic advice that doesn’t fit your family.

One Austin mom found that her seven-year-old son relaxed best when they spent ten minutes looking at the stars from their backyard before bed. It wasn’t in any parenting book, but it worked for him. That’s what matters.

Avoid stimulating activities in the hour before bed. This includes roughhousing, exciting games, or intense conversations about school problems or behavioral issues. Save those for earlier in the day when possible.

Your child may initially resist the routine, especially if bedtime has been chaotic. Stick with it anyway. Most children adapt to a new routine within a week or two once they realize it’s non-negotiable.

Create a Sleep Space That Feels Safe

Your child’s bedroom should feel like a refuge, not a place they dread entering alone.

Lighting matters more than you might think. Complete darkness works for some children but terrifies others. A small nightlight, especially one with a warm amber glow rather than blue light, can make a huge difference. Let your child help choose the nightlight so they feel some control over their environment.

Comfort objects aren’t just for toddlers. Many school-age children still benefit from having a special stuffed animal, favorite blanket, or even a family photo nearby. These tangible reminders that they’re safe and loved can help when fears surface in the middle of the night.

Sound can help or hurt. Some children sleep better with white noise or gentle nature sounds that mask household noises. Others need quiet. A small fan or sound machine provides flexibility for experimentation.

Temperature affects sleep quality. Research shows that slightly cool rooms promote better sleep than warm ones. If your child kicks off blankets constantly or wakes up sweaty, the room might be too warm.

Keep the bedroom primarily for sleep rather than play when possible. This helps your child’s brain associate that space with rest. If they share a room with siblings, establish clear bedtime routines to help the space transition to sleep mode, even in a shared environment.

Limit Screen Time Before Bed

The blue light from screens suppresses melatonin production, the hormone that helps us feel sleepy. But it’s not just about the light. The content matters too.

Studies show that children who use screens within an hour of bedtime take longer to fall asleep, sleep fewer total hours, and report more nightmares than children who stop screen use earlier in the evening.

Set a firm cutoff time for all screens, including TV, tablets, phones, and computers. Aim for at least one hour before bedtime, though two hours is even better if you can manage it.

What they watch during the day matters too. Even content marketed to children can contain frightening imagery or intense emotional themes that show up later as nightmares. Your child’s teacher announces there’s a fire drill today. Don’t be surprised if they have dreams about fires that night. Their brain is processing something that felt scary.

Pay attention to patterns. If nightmares started around the same time they began watching a particular show or playing a certain game, that’s worth noting. Children are often drawn to content that’s slightly too intense for their developmental stage, and they won’t always tell you it scared them.

Talk About Fears and Bad Dreams

Sometimes nightmares reflect anxieties your child is carrying during the day. Creating space to talk about these feelings can significantly reduce their nighttime intensity.

After a nightmare, resist the urge to immediately send them back to bed with a quick “it was just a dream.” That dismisses what felt very real and scary to them. Instead, sit with them for a few minutes. Ask what happened in the dream if they want to share.

Listen without minimizing. If they dreamed about monsters, don’t say “monsters aren’t real.” To them, in that moment, the fear was completely real. Instead, try: “That sounds really scary. I can see why that would wake you up.”

During daytime hours, check in about worries. Ask open-ended questions like “What’s been on your mind lately?” or “Anything you’ve been thinking about a lot?” Children often don’t volunteer their concerns unless asked directly.

If nightmares have common themes, those themes might point to daytime fears worth addressing. Repeated dreams about being lost might reflect separation anxiety. Dreams about failing or being unprepared might indicate school stress. Dreams about family members getting hurt might show up after they overheard a worried conversation about someone’s health.

Some families find it helpful to draw or write about the nightmare the next day and then “change the ending” to something less scary. This gives children a sense of control over their fear.

Teach Simple Relaxation Techniques

Anxiety and physical tension make falling asleep harder. Teaching your child basic relaxation skills gives them tools they can use independently over time.

Deep breathing calms the nervous system. Teach your child to breathe in slowly through their nose while you count to four, hold for four counts, then breathe out through their mouth for four counts. You can practice this together during the day, so it becomes familiar before trying it at bedtime.

Progressive muscle relaxation releases physical tension. Guide your child to squeeze their toes tight for a few seconds, then relax them completely. Move up through their body, tensing and releasing each muscle group. By the time you reach their shoulders and face, their whole body should feel more relaxed.

Guided imagery redirects worried thoughts. Help your child imagine a safe, peaceful place in detail. What does it look like? What sounds do they hear? What does the air feel like? The more detailed and sensory-rich the image, the more effectively it pulls attention away from fears.

Counting exercises occupy the mind. Some children find it helpful to count backward from 100, count their breaths, or imagine counting sheep jumping over a fence. The gentle, repetitive task can be just boring enough to ease them into sleep.

These techniques won’t work magic the first night, but with practice, they become genuine tools your child can access when anxiety spikes.

When Your Child Wakes from a Nightmare

How you respond to nightmares affects how quickly your child settles back to sleep and whether they develop lasting anxiety around bedtime.

Go to them quickly. Don’t make them come find you if you can help it. Walking through a dark house while frightened intensifies their fear. Your immediate presence reassures them that they’re safe.

Stay calm and matter-of-fact. If you seem worried or upset by their nightmare, it confirms that there’s something to be scared of. A calm “You had a bad dream, but you’re safe now” sets a different tone than “Oh no, another nightmare!”

Offer physical comfort. Sitting on the edge of their bed, rubbing their back, or holding their hand for a few minutes helps their nervous system calm down. Some children need more physical reassurance than others. Follow their lead.

Keep interactions low-key. This isn’t the time for long conversations or problem-solving. Bright lights, lots of talking, or extended interactions can make it harder for them to fall back asleep. Offer comfort with minimal stimulation.

Be consistent about sleeping arrangements. Decide as a family what your policy is about children sleeping in your bed after nightmares, and stick with it. There’s no right answer, but inconsistency creates confusion. If your rule is that they sleep in their own bed, you might sit with them in their room until they fall back asleep rather than bringing them to yours.

Avoid Making Sleep a Power Struggle

Children can’t force themselves to sleep, and pressure to do so typically backfires by increasing anxiety around bedtime.

If your child is genuinely trying to sleep but can’t, getting frustrated or punitive won’t help. Comments like “You’re doing this on purpose” or “If you don’t go to sleep right now…” raise their stress level and make sleep even harder to achieve.

Approach sleep difficulties with empathy and patience. Your child isn’t staying awake or having nightmares to manipulate you or ruin your evening. They’re struggling with something that feels out of their control.

That said, you can set clear, kind boundaries. “I know you’re having trouble sleeping, and that’s hard. It’s still bedtime, so you need to stay in your bed quietly. You can read or look at books, but you need to stay in your room.”

Some children genuinely aren’t tired at their designated bedtime. If your child consistently lies awake for an hour or more, their sleep schedule might need adjusting. Consider shifting bedtime 30 minutes later and see if they fall asleep more quickly.

When Professional Help Makes Sense

Most childhood sleep issues improve with consistent routines, a calm approach, and time. But some situations benefit from professional support.

Consider reaching out to a therapist or sleep specialist if:

Nightmares are frequent and intense. More than one nightmare per week for several weeks, especially nightmares that wake the child repeatedly each night, might indicate an underlying anxiety or trauma issue that needs attention.

Sleep problems persist despite your efforts. You’ve tried everything consistently for several weeks and aren’t seeing improvement.

Your child shows other signs of anxiety or distress. Sleep issues combined with school avoidance, social withdrawal, frequent stomachaches, or other physical complaints often indicate that anxiety needs professional treatment.

The nightmares have trauma themes. If nightmares seem to relate to a specific traumatic event, trauma-focused therapy approaches like EMDR can be particularly effective.

Sleep deprivation is affecting daily functioning. Your child is too tired to focus at school, is having behavioral problems related to exhaustion, or their mood is significantly affected.

You’re exhausted and overwhelmed. If you’ve been dealing with sleep disruption for weeks or months and it’s affecting your own mental health, that’s reason enough to seek support. You can’t support your child effectively when you’re running on empty.

Research shows that cognitive-behavioral therapy approaches adapted for children are highly effective for treating nightmares and sleep anxiety. A therapist trained in these methods can work with your child to reduce nightmare frequency and intensity while helping them develop stronger coping skills.

Taking Care of Yourself Too

Your child’s sleep problems become your sleep problems. You’re the one being woken repeatedly, losing sleep, and then trying to function the next day while exhausted.

This isn’t easy. Don’t minimize the toll it takes on you.

If possible, take turns with your partner handling nighttime wakings so neither of you is completely depleted. If you’re parenting solo, lean on your support system during daytime hours. Ask friends or family to give you a break so you can nap or just rest without responsibilities.

Be realistic about your capacity. On days when you’ve been up multiple times with a frightened child, you’re not going to perform at your best. Give yourself permission to do the bare minimum. The dishes can wait. Frozen pizza for dinner is fine. Your priority is survival, not excellence.

Remember that this phase is temporary. Most children outgrow frequent nightmares by early elementary school. The exhausting nights won’t last forever, even when it feels endless at 3 AM.

Small Steps Forward

Helping your child overcome nightmares and sleep issues takes time, patience, and consistency. You won’t see dramatic changes overnight, but small improvements add up.

Start with one or two strategies that feel most manageable for your family. Maybe that’s establishing a consistent bedtime routine this week. Next week, you might add relaxation exercises. The following week, you could adjust screen time.

Pay attention to what actually works for your specific child rather than following generic advice that doesn’t fit your family. Every child is different. Some require extensive physical comfort, others require space. Some are soothed by talking, others by quiet presence.

Trust yourself. You know your child better than any expert or article. Use these strategies as tools, not rules, and adapt them to fit what your family needs.

We’re Here to Help

If sleep challenges are overwhelming your family, you don’t have to figure this out alone. At Firefly Therapy Austin, we work with children and families dealing with nightmares, sleep anxiety, and the underlying concerns that often show up at bedtime.

Our therapists understand that children’s sleep issues affect the whole family. We offer practical strategies tailored to your child’s specific needs and developmental stage, whether the problem is nightmares, bedtime resistance, anxiety, or trauma-related sleep disruption.

We’d love to help your family get the rest everyone needs. Because when your child sleeps better, everyone benefits.